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Nofsdad
Joined: 06 Jul 2003
Posts: 7091
Location: Central CA
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Posted: Sat Sep 01, 2007 7:34 pm Post subject: Gotta Love The Onion
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Well, 75% of you anyway. 
Heartbroken Bush Runs After Departing Rove's Car
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| WASHINGTON, DC—A confused President Bush broke free from the restraint of Secret Service agents this morning and ran in pursuit of departing deputy chief of staff Karl Rove's car for several blocks down Pennsylvania Avenue before being outdistanced by the vehicle. |
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White House staff were deeply moved by the scene, saying that despite their best efforts, no one was able to explain to the president that he would no longer be able to remain at his chief adviser's side. Onlookers were clearly choked up as a tearful Rove, trying to close the car door behind him, told Bush in a stern, commanding tone to back away.
"Go on…you hear me? Get out of here, I say!" Rove said. "I don't love you anymore, understand? Now get! Get!" |
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| Rove reportedly tried to prepare Bush for this inevitability in late July by taking him on a special fishing trip so they could spend some quality time together and he could also give Bush a brief rundown on how the presidency works. Rove said he "didn't have the heart" to break the news to the president, who fell asleep in their rowboat with the fishing pole still in his hands. On his last day, nearly two weeks later, Rove spent the whole morning with Bush before the tear-jerking exit, ruffling his hair, telling him to "be brave" and "listen to Cheney," and explaining that he was going to have to be "the man of the White House now." |
Bush sits in disbelief as his longtime buddy
disappears forever and ever and ever.
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White House press secretary Tony Snow was finally called in to attempt to convey the reality of the situation to the president, but he was unable to do so.
"He kept looking up at me with those wide, innocent eyes, and I didn't know what to say," Snow told reporters. "Maybe someday when he's older, he'll understand how the public lost trust in his big buddy after a series of crucial political missteps, and how firing those attorneys and the..."
At this point in the briefing Snow fell silent, overcome with emotion, and moving many in the press room to tears. |
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Magnolia
Joined: 26 Aug 2005
Posts: 1457
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Posted: Sat Sep 01, 2007 7:57 pm Post subject:
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Okay - so you didn't GET me with this one....
Love it! And I suspect, closer to fact than fiction.
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trueairspeed
Joined: 13 Mar 2005
Posts: 180
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Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 6:21 pm Post subject: Re: Gotta Love The Onion
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| Nofsdad wrote: |
| Gotta Love The Onion |
I've always gotten a kick from them, but then again I have a weird sense of humor...
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Nofsdad
Joined: 06 Jul 2003
Posts: 7091
Location: Central CA
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Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2007 2:28 pm Post subject:
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Gen. Petraeus Delivers Iraq Report
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Gen. David Petraeus gave his report on the effectiveness of the troop surge in Iraq to Congress Monday. Here are some of the most significant points:
Title Page, Acknowledgments, Introduction, Results, Conclusion, Appendix
Iraqi government officials still being assassinated, but just barely
Most U.S. soldiers can be relied upon to wake up on time
The six guys that Cameroon sent have been awesome
Due to overly negative review, footnote on every page stressing Patraeus' support of U.S. troops
Gen. Petraeus
Two of the 18 political and security benchmarks have been met: Birthday parties for all Iraqi parliamentarians are in place, and nobody died at 3:19 a.m. on July 22
By weight, Americans are now the country's majority
What a wild ride it's been  |
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